bleeerrghhh

Looking through old photos and seeing other people have fun in their other lives.. feeling a bit "wish I was someone else" right now.

shitcarmelsays #1

J'ai une amie qui a une charmante personnalité. Ici, il y a une collection de choses chouette elle a dire :

"The entire shitcarmelsays pg will revolve around awkward encounters."

"Did you know that drinking oj makes you twice as likely to pee within two hours?"

[walks past NO DUMPING sign at a nearby Goodwill] "Hey that sign says no dumping, that means you can't breakup with your boyfriend here."

"I think I can pay you back. Let's see how much Bank of Carmel has... I have... two dollars and fifty-six cents... a stamp card to Rainbow Café... and a winter formal picture of Willa Chen."

"Wow Joyce, you're like a parent's wet dream."

"I wanted to buy these shoes from Japan, but I'm not really sure if they can make them anymore since... you know... they had a that earthquake flood."

"Discriminatory bunny s'more plantation [K - ?] I made ghetto s'mores with Annie Grahams and chocolate. There was a single black bunny."

"Btw, I decided I had a dsa crush, then I realized I had dinner with his super cool girlfriend..... Hey wtf Annabel Tang is friends with him on Facebook what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck."

"My roomates mugshots are on pdx mugshots.. I'm jealous of how pretty Caroline's mugshot looks."

"Lol I was on shitmyprofessorsays and 2 of my teachers are on it."

"You know life is hard when tree metaphors about humanity become penises in your mind."

Tragic day, In my mind

Maybe in another universe, everything is at least.. alright. Nothing like the universe here. She would have found her state of mind by now. No lost motivation. Focused, driven and for the most part, full of confidence and self assured. She probably wasn't even fired today, maybe she was even promoted! It was a wonderfully fulfilling day of work. She makes good conversation and profits the company by selling plenty of gluten-free treats. When the time is golden, her shift ends. She sits in her car of the plaza parking lot & proceeds to call her grandfather, relaying the good news. They have a heartfelt conversation, he understands her. He remembers her. No mention of lonely bitterness here. No stubbornness to sponge baths, no sir! He lives well, alive, happy and he is happy for her. She is happy for him. The conversation ends and she starts the car to head home. No thought of inevitable possibilities now - of accelerating into objects immobile and strong. There is no facade of a family as she arrives home. All genuine wife smiles and goodnight husband kisses. She tells them about her promotion, they clink glasses of congratulation and she smiles from the encouragement and approval.

In this moment, she senses a perfect moment of absolute harmony. A surge of love for the world, an urge to keep this feeling constant.. She can do anything right now! She can achieve & tackle any problem with the most admirable force. Nothing to block her from her focus, nothing to cloud her mind. Days like these are usual in this alternate universe and sometimes she wonders how life couldn't be anymore better. But all in all, days end and she heads for bed. As she shuffles her sheets to a comfortable position, she stares ahead and feels a strange feeling of... the slightest dissatisfaction. How absurd! Whatever could she be so dissatisfied about? Her thoughts overcome her.. despite all that she has, she still wants more. But what? The thought puzzles her to sleep and it's from there that she enters her dream state where she finds herself situated in front of a couch where a girl sits, simply staring ahead. What for? She couldn't tell, but the look the girl had was one of complete... emptiness. Like death was written all over her emotionless brow and the girl didn't look too far from accepting it either. Then, a subtle movement. She looks closer to the girl's face. It's a tear falling slowly across her face. The girl is crying! She feels a sudden urge to comfort the girl, but then a boy appears. Who is this? She does not know, but she watches as he sits by the girl, wiping her tears. He tells her his corny jokes and she laughs. Suddenly the girl is all better, smiling and vibrant, far from that initial state. As She watches their interaction, she begins to feel jealous! She wants this boy, this comfort and happiness this girl has. Could this be the dissatisfaction she felt just moments before? She begins to long for someone to be there, someone to hold & notice her... then as if they never noticed before, the girl looks up and sees her. The boy turns in the same direction as they both notice her presence. She gasps, and runs to disappear - as if ashamed she witnessed an intimate moment that wasn't her place to see. Yet her feelings hold with the thought of the boy. She awakes to an equally strange feeling, a feeling of longing as she lay in bed considering the remembrance of a dream still apparent on her mind. She feels sorry for the girl in her dreams, sorry for her sadness, but then she begins to feel sorry for herself, for not being the girl in her dream universe. At least the girl had that boy & because of that, maybe that girl is happy. Maybe in that other universe, everything is at least.. alright.

Morning Talk w/ Carmel Yang

C - "That's the funny part! People's taste preferences change. What seemed so important is now so trivial. I guess that's why most relationships are like plants, they need nurturing and watering and shit. Except my love for Matt, which is like a fucking desert cactus. Or a Joshua Tree.

K - Yes all plants need shit to survive. Steaming hot cow manurree~ Omfg life makes total sense now. I like desert cactus. I always thought Joshua Trees looked like hairy penises.. more than cactus's.. actually.. goddamn as I type this out I'm starting to realize they both do. Waaah penisses in my mind..

C - "You need shit to make the plant stronger. But sometimes a plant will die even if you nurture it deeply. Dude someone is craving the d... and lol that's fitting for my love I guess.

JFK

Jo

Fuck I mean J k "

K - You know life is hard when you get a commonly used term that is truth 50% of the time mixed with an assassinated president.

C - "You know life is hard when tree metaphors about humanity become penises in your mind."