Worst Christmas ever.

I should just get up and move away. Somewhere very far far away where nowhere facebook can even recognized. Im so embarrassed.

Did you know you're a miracle?

After a last hour of Walnut, we were finally free to roam our lives for the next two weeks. I still don't have that complete feeling of relaxation though. You know that feeling? When you come home, take off your shoes, flop on your couch, lean back and cool down. I still feel like I have something to do and not look forward to, like I still have school the next day. Maybe I will feel my vacation feeling by tomorrow. It's so easy to go back to feeling miserable again. But I was asked one question and it changed my mindset completely. It may sound cheesy, but we all are miracles. We could have been any other of the million floating sperm first, or a miscarriage, but we were all born into this life. I didn't realize until now how much my parents love me. My mother had two miscarriages before she had me and I could have been one of them. Yet all the while I've been feeling miserable in my days, moping around criticizing the world, almost purposefully as if I wanted to be this way. I don't deserve to act miserable if I was given this life and these opportunities. So I've been appreciating my days a lot more lately. No more, "Signifying nothing" thoughts. I shall spend my days as I please and pleased I shall be!

The super line we didn't have to wait in.

Strange Birds

So great, he needs two mics to sing






Every little thing tonight happened at the most impeccable timing. From the missed u-turn to the front front row spots to returning back after the show literally (really literally) JUST in time to see Young the Giant leaving (thus the pictures). "Alright last picture guys!" What do you say to someone with famous heavenly talent? You don't act giggidy girly that's for sure. I didn't feel as star struck as I thought would; it was just like being next to an average someone. Despite that, all I could do was smile awkwardly and keep quiet. It's amazing (and quite disappointing), however, how much the inner obnoxious girl fan comes out when I do get starstruck.

I come home only to get two hrs of sleep before I venture back out to the wonderland mountains. We left early before the sun could shine through the morning clouds. It felt good knowing what I was doing and being able to teach my snowboard skills to people who didn't know. By the end of the day, everyone knew how to get down a slope without falling. Mission accomplished (despite the massive shin split pains I've acquired). I spent about an hour on a break because of the pain, but I got free things in the mean time. So far my winter break has begun with an amazing start. But tomorrow it might all end. Tomorrow at 2 PM, I shall be drugged to the utmost numbness to extract all 4 of my undeveloped wisdom teeth. Yahoo news posted this article about a young girl dying mid-surgery, and this other boy who died in his sleep a day after his extraction. It's as if the world is conspiring to terrify me. I could think of nothing but the thought of the bitter taste of the serum and piercing needle numbing my gums that it even stopped me from eating my delicious last meal tonight. I never lost my appetite before. I love food too much! But tonight I did, and it scared me. I wouldn't be able to eat delicious food for the next week and my cheeks be crying along with my poor stomach. Send your feel good vibes to me tomorrow please. And thanks to those who do!

Je jure, c'est la vérité!

Family disgrace yes, but I am perfectly content with my decision to learn french over mandarin. You appreciate more music like this. These are tunes that make me daydream and smile about a fantasy future where I would be living in Paris studying abroad in my junior/senior year of college. I've only felt this perfect feeling thrice with music. Once, driving back home after visiting the city itself with "Mushaboom" by Feist caressing my ears. Second, when M. Deshan introduced "Aux Champs Elysees" to us for the first time in class. And now. One word of advice though, if you ever plan to visit Paris, don't take a tour group. You wouldn't experience the food, culture, people or anything close to Parisian life when your trip is ridden with tourist filled hotspots that are a lot like the Paris Vegas you can find back here.

Yes, these dreams are very typical for a lot of young teens to have: to travel, to experience new things and meet new people. Then one day you're old and you realize you've accomplished none of that. Maybe these daydreams are not as great as people make it out to be. Maybe we just romanticize everything and hold silent expectations for what we want for ourselves. But if anything, I want to at least have something like that American woman in Paris Je t'aime (adequate french and everything). Gives me something to look forward to; even if it may seem a bit of a stretch for me. Ah who knows? Less wait and see.

Sounds so far away.

Do you ever walk straight ahead and see nothing? People who recognize you wave at you to the side, but your peripherals are turned off; you don't notice them, you notice nothing. Everything is a blur. Voices are murmured. Your reality is turned off. Time seems to move but stand still all at once. Like you're walking in a dream. And yet you're still wide awake breathing. You're moving along with the sound of the scheduled bells. Step, breath, step. Take a seat.

All the while, at the very ends of the back of your mind, a tugging pain is still throbbing. You take a look around. People are all around you. Arms length apart; a bit too close. Objects are closer than they appear. Your heart is beating unhealthily fast. You start to feel nauseous. Claustrophobic fears taking a hold of your breath. You feel dizzy. You ask to go to the nurse and once in that silent room, you can finally relax. The cool walls ease your mind and you take a nap. Eyes open, do you feel refreshed? A bit, but listen - murmurs again. The tugging pain creeps back.

My throat is a flaming desert. There's this burning, face wincing sensation exploding in the back of my throat every time I gulp. On top of that, there's a bruising pulse that keeps knocking at the back of my skull. I've never had a migraine before, but I believe this is the first. It's been like this for the last three days. I'm not getting sick though. My voice is still womanly-ish. I can still speak clearly. I've been getting enough sleep lately and I'm far from having overworked stress in school. So why is my body reacting in such bizarre ways? I think it's the allergies. December. Love the season, hate the impulsive, dry winded weather.

This week has been.. a very long week, however. To summarize it, I technically spent everyday with school > rehearsal > how I met your mother > sleep > repeat. No homework really. Or at least not enough to give me a migraine. Don't you just love senior year? It's becoming extremely difficult for me to maintain small talk conversations. My mind is on its smoking break, just blanking out mid conversation. I fall asleep standing up with my eyes open and I don't pay attention. My thoughts drift. I think my working mind just shut off since thanksgiving. I come to school carelessly dressed and I can't bring myself to sit down to study again. I bring home my books, everything ready, then... Oh hello! another episode of How I Met Your Mother! ... then I can't stop. The pause button just looks so.. untouchable. A HIYM rut. My mind is already packed up in vacation mode; ready to relax and go back to that peaceful time again. But I can't, at least not for another three weeks. DANG. On the plus side, my working mind for my pillow business hasn't shut down yet. It's driven and fully motivated to satisfy those rolling in pillow orders. If only I knew how to use a sewing machine..