"Rain rain stay today, keep the shitty sun at bay."

It really is a shame to hear that. I can say I saw it coming, but you of all people, I never really believed you would end up with those feelings also.

I have to close myself off like a box being taped up and put away. There is no way out, this is the actuality of it all. I don't want to be here, I don't want to be the only person to be forced to choose and make all the decisions and ruin your day. Really, what you told me is the very last thing Ive ever wanted to hear. But I guess its too late now. I cant change what has already changed. Suddenly I become a 'diamond in the triangle' as you put it. Wth does that mean.

And as for you, You say the more we change the less we feel. But its all in reverse now. You have everything you ever wanted, but I guess nothing you never really needed. Because youre not even happy now are you? I want you to see that you have so much to be happy for, and so many people to be there for. I would give up anything and everything to see it so things are easy for you again. Only problem is, youre not letting me.

Lately however, its been pretty good for me. Ive been feeling happy, but my mistakes keep coming back to me. Youre supposed to learn from your mistakes, right? Yet I don't feel any of it was a mistake, when others think otherwise. Am I not learning? Im not saying any of this to complain, Im saying it so maybe one person can explain my life to me. So someone can tell me what I need to hear, not what people think and tell me to hear. Then maybe I wont be as lost. I dont deserve to be happy with the choices Ive been left to. There are decisions. But all in all I cant help what is going to happen at this point, even if it is all up to me. There needs to be a part of me that could think undoubtedly.. I cant though. I need to be impelled to not feel, to not reason or trust, why should I otherwise when I always screw things up anyways?

Smh Smh Smh Smh Smh Smh Smh Smh Smh Smh Smh Smh Smh Smh Smh Smhaha
~It didnt rain today btw. Awws.

"Do you have money? No, But we have the skill."

We lived by our skill and ventured into Urban where I found some pretty amazing deals which made yesterday pretty much a success! Other than the fact that I managed to loose my phone once again and temporarily go through a state of depression for the rest of the day. Hey, Loosing your phone is stressful business okay. You worry and wonder who in the world could have found it, if theyre some pedofreak & what you can do. You feel so lost without your phone. I guess its mainly because phones are now your connection to the world. Its ridiculous how loosing such a simple materialistic object can ruin ones mood nowadays isnt it?

There are days when I just want to stay home and do nothing but eat, sleep and repeat. But there are other days where I want to get the hell out of my house and that day is today. Too bad Im still in my pajamas and its already 3 pms. But then again, I did spend all of last morning watching Dawn of the Dead and stupid infomercials to help me fall asleep. Which isnt that great since I started seeing zombies everywhere. Speaking of zombies, what in the heyell is with all the apocalyptic movies coming out? Whether its a zombie manifestation or global warming, or tornadoes in LA, I really think people are taking this end of the world business too seriously. Its just a trend, just like how fohawks, and walnuts recent beautiful thunderstorms will come and go. Sos, enough of that.

I feel like I need everyone else so much more than they need me. I have all these wonderful ideas floating around in my mind of places to go and people to see, but there is no way to actually work them out. & my connection to the world is still lost in Pasadena. So I guess Ill be relaxing at home today. Thats discouraging. You probably don't care but I just high scored blockstar tetris. Yessss!

The Tetris Effect

The Tetris effect occurs when an activity to which people devote sufficient time and attention begins to overshadow their thoughts, mental images, and dreams. People who play Tetris for a prolonged amount of time may then find themselves thinking about ways different shapes in the real world can fit together, such as the boxes on a supermarket shelf or the buildings on a street.

Ouh hey, no wonder Ive been seeing tetris everywhere.

Fun with Omegle

Stranger: asl please
You: Why
Stranger: j/w
You: Well not from rhode island
Stranger: where r u from
You: Mexico
Stranger: coool
You: You should like, try talking without one word answers
You: It helps the conversation run smoother
Stranger: ok sooo im steve wuts ur name
You: Kevin
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You: Are you paid to do this?
You: And talk to strangers
Stranger: cool
Stranger: no
Stranger: why r u asking?
You: Why do you try to know them first by knowing their sex and place in the universe? Why cant we just talk about our life and about our problems?
You: How was your day?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

This is why people have problems of being friendly to one another these days since everyone out there are either creepers or have the potential to be one.

Scared Shkittles

for finals this week.

http://www.youtube.com/kaacyong

I realize that Im starting to make almost one of every type of internet account. I think all thats left now is twitter and tumblr. But no worries. I will never fall into the evil pointlessness of twitters and I will always be a bloghead. && I deleted my formspring. So yaayzers!!
*Cuss Ive gotta stop getting so distracted so easily & some tard finished my capn crunch cereal!

Cuss its not friday yet??

I was walking home from school after my complete fail of track tryouts. Its not too far. Just a bunch of hills. I pass a park. I always pass a park when I walk this way. It looked different today. It was telling me that I should just go lie down on the nice looking grass and fall asleep. Lay down and look up. Then agian I was dead tired. and freezing my ass off. My legs suddenly weighed 50 billion pounds each. Unfortunately. I shouldve practiced for track. I never thought it was necessary. I think its necessary now. Very necessary. Think about the last time you considered misery as a necessary part of life. Thats how it was going home. It felt like forever up those hills and my nose started sniffling up. It would had been better if the sky was pretty and starry for once.

Well, I wish I made track, I probably wont, but whatever, theres always next year. Why does it matter? Dk, but You can bet Ill be prepared by next year. I am no longer the person I was last year. Im capable of seeing things with a much wider view in a simpler dont give two shits kinda way. But then again i realize wishing is basically a form of complaining &doesnt really help. I just need to know what I want, and actually do something about it and then, maybe Ill be happy. I dont know yet though. I guess I just need my motivation. But for now, Im gonna pull a nike, Just Do It. Lesson learned.

Regarding the world as inconsequent

I made a formspring.me cause its something plus to do other than facebook, blogging, and tetris. How lame. Ask away! ..Or nawt.

http://www.formspring.me/kacyong

"I see what I want and I want what I see. & That is all, okay by me."

..There is quite a feeling of summer in the air- dont you think? Suckss.

Im trying to remember every single moment and day that happened on winter break in the last two weeks.. yah its not really working out. But Im gonna have to say it was the least bit fantastical. Late night hangouts, waffles, drive-in movies, sunday mornings, spontaneous plans and rain, Jupiter, and snowboarding trips are a pretty great way to end this amazing year to this amazing month. Maybe something magical will happen. Depending on how vulnerable you are, you see the sad or the happy.

I have no resolutions this year, because I know itll probably end up like last year and Ill be too lazy to resolve my resolutions till next year. But this year Im scared that Im not strong enough to make a better life for myself. When it comes down to the very idea on making the tough decisions or just going for what I want, I get too afraid of failing, and I quit.. But its like Ive said, 2009 has been, by far, the best and worst year of my life. Keep it coming.

Well, time to get started on my homework, oh shieeet.

Bonne annee!

I have a lot to learn.. but holy shit Im soo sore.