Sometimes when Im alone, I end up thinking too much & I start disagree with everything. I start to make up these silly things in my head that are not true, but claim to believe. Sometimes I have the feeling that everyone is against me. That one small favor is too much. A lot of times, I start to get nervous over silly things & feel sick to my stomach because I dont know what to do anymore about anything. You are everyone I really need to help me with all these thoughts. Yet all I feel is this empty space with me. I want to be okay. I want to stop thinking like this, to stop worrying. To stop making you so frustrated over something so worthless. I really dont feel okay anymore. Im basing my intentions on nonsense. I feel sad, angry, unreasonable, and most of the time, I dont have a reason to why.

Im amazed at how well you do it. How easily amused you can make me. The encouragement, and love you give me on a day to day basis has left me with an unhealthy addiction waiting for more. I think we have gotten to used to each other, to seeing you everyday and being with you almost every second of this beautiful summer, but it never is enough is it? I never prefer to be alone for too long, so apologizes for getting too emotionally attached to your Freckled presence. We’re an odd pair. None of that really matters though. For now hearing you snore on the phone is all the medicine I need.

You may affect life more than you know it. Like a rainbow, you consist of many colors, each color standing for different things: Anger, passion, happiness, sadness. However you are not defined by these colors, but by how you color your own world with them.

I am Young

I say this is the best song that fits their situation right now. I love them both to death, but its so depressing how they cant find the time to love each other. Its sad to see these kind of people with nothing to do, forgotten by their families, only left with a cigarette or a forgotten photo of yesteryear to past time.

" Make no mistake your relationships are the heaviest components in your life. All those negotiations and arguments and secrets, the compromises. The slower we move the faster we die. "

I think the ancient Greeks, I believe, were smart because they idolized imperfections, rather than perfection. Because imperfection is easy to find in life..
but perfection is merely impossible. Its all a matter of how you train your eyes to look, and how you train your brain to think.

Warning Signs

I thought there was an earthquake today in class, but it turned out to just be the schools air conditioners rumbling my fears awake.

Mooditional Syndrome

Dont you just love the feeling that everything’s going to be okay? That a huge weight has been taken off your shoulders, and that you can just be free again. That you’ll be happy, and the world won’t hate you for it. That you can be you, and you can love yourself. That the people who matter will stay with you. That you’ll be protected. That you can do whatever the fuck you want, and things are still going to be alright. That you can let go and just let it be. Let it be. Let everything be.

It’s a great feeling isnt it?

Well I have major lady time that could last me a lifetime. Which is weird cause I never used to be in this much pain before. I need some midol. Blog ya laterr. Lameass, shh.

You probly dont care right now..

but I am currently watching Watership Down from my list of Culturally Significant Movies. I have a summer schedule for these 6 days of spring break WOOT! plus 500 packets of homework, but thats alright. I thought a thought for my blog today but I forgot what I remembered to write anyways.. So that is all. Good friday.

"Begin doing what you want now, we are not lying in eternity."
I feel like rereading all the lemony snicket books. Just gotta love that grim writing and cross hatch illustrations. Dont you?

Blackberry: Men have always hated us.
Holly: No. They just destroyed the warren because we were in their way.
Fiver: They'll never rest until they've spoiled the earth.

So what do you think?

I rescued a maiden in distress, and got punched by a random flying guy... cool.

Dude, i think it's reality, condensed into pdf files.
Damm right it is. Its the logic in little simple sentences, the life behind the ultimate question to the meaning of life, the universe and everything (which is not 42 btw) Its food. YES food. That is all. Normally Id exaggerate on my answer and tell you why. But my peter pan mentality is tell me otherwise and telling me to sail away from working on this blog too long and only come back when Im ready. Which wont be in awhile, but for now, ill just have to leave you with nice little videos, pretty pictures and quotes that make you think about life.

“I like to see people reunited, maybe that’s a silly thing, but what can I say, I like to see people run into each other, I like the kissing and the crying, I like the impatience, the stories that the mouth can’t tell fast enough, the ears that aren’t big enough, the eyes that can’t take in all of the change, I like the hugging, the bringing together, the end of missing someone…” Jonathan Safran Foer

u shoulda make a wiish kaycyong (11:11:11PM)

White Oleander, Janet Fitch

Loneliness is the human condition. Cultivate it. The way it tunnels into you allows your soul room to grow. never expect to outgrow loneliness. Never hope to find people who will understand you, someone to fill that space. And intelligent, sensitive person is the exception, the very great exception. If you expect to find people who will understand you, you will grow murderous with disappointment. The best you’ll ever do is to understand yourself, know what it is that you want, and not let the cattle stand in your way.

I love you Gene Kelly

Im sorry, I did not leave you dear blogspot who has been with me all these good springs, best summers, these fine autumns, and lovely winters in these past two years. Plus I have this one post in mind, coming up soon. Later on.. Seeya!

I really am so very much sorry

I love being in love, no matter what it does to me. But sometimes it can just be such a deep shove up your ass. This feeling, its an emotion, and like all emotions, it varies from person to person. For me, I tend to love without boundaries and when I fall in love, I fall hard. For something as personal and individualized as emotions, it still surprises me with absolute certainty that I still have the capability to love someone after all these events that weve gone through.

Everything is temporarily passing in one moment of our temporary life. When you start to recognize someones flaws to be amazing. When you want to make someone a priority and not an option. When it begins to feel like your whole life was created just for this person's happiness and for once you could give two shits about yourself and just enjoy every second together. All temporary. Loving someone takes a lot of energy and time, Ive realized. & makes you do stupid shiet like illegally planning to bombard their house to get a passport. It isnt so small that it becomes one thought. It runs through you and becomes a part of you fully, and soon even the smallest change or frown from them can ruin your whole day. But when that’s lost, you lose everything… for a while. & since its something that wont stay with one person, the pain numbs and you just move on. 'Like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try and readjust the way you thought of things.' (via Snicket)

Im beyond happy of what Ive experienced, even if it was for a while. But as for now, forgive me. I truly am sorry for this & please understand.

"Fuck it, there's nothing I can do about it, so just enjoy yourself because right now, this exact moment is one that you'll only live once." -Samsssuel Duong

WAT"S THIS AWESOMENESS

DID ANYONE KNOW THERE WAS EVER A SUPAMARIOLAND SHOW???

Ive been getting into watching Pokemon a lot. I completely forgot everything that made up my Saturday morning knowledge of all 5 billion Pokemon. So Im gonna dedicate my saturday mornings to the original pokemon episodes again. Sorry about that. DRAGONKNIGHT! I have such an interesting life ey?

& Sorry about the lack of posts, but its stuff like this thats been keeping me away. Yaknow. that and homework and doing something else other than sitting here aimlessly going through billions of tabs I have open on my browser. I wish I could be more important than school shumtimes, but neh, its a necessity. We are going to make it through this year if it kills us. Right?

Open mic today also made me feel like I should become amazing on my uke to perform next year. I feel like a splat of paint compared to these marvels of art Ive seen today. There was a lot of good talent out there today. Good job everyone!

Oh and Happy Ides of March!

My moment of temporary satisfaction

Season 6 I want you in my dvd collection.

I'm going to drive myself insane one day.

"Never make a decision when youre angry, never make a promise when youre happy."
Theres nothing quite like trying to study for a chem test you know nothing about when your eyes just want to close shut while fluorescent light glares back without sympathy at your slouched position in a spinning chair but yet all you can do is lift your head towards the computer screen and type barely sensical thoughts of fatigue into a blog post.

You see I'm checked out and I haven't checked back in.
Since you walked out, I don't know where you've been.
You see I'm falling, falling apart.
So come put me back together baby, show me where to start.
Somehow I got away from you. I don't know how to reach you.

I've been maxed out since I don't know when.
So thin and stretched out, I'm crawling in my skin.
And now I'm stalling, waiting for you.
So come give me an answer baby, or else we're through.
I'm holding on to something that's not there, but I don't know how to leave you.

You see I'd checked out, but now I'm checked back in.
And I've got no doubt, I'll never be the same.
Cause I was falling, falling apart,
But he put me back together baby, he restored my heart.
I finally got away from you--about time I released you.

People who create are my kind of people.

I don’t understand how my mood can change from being so happy, to ignoring and hating everything in less than a day. & when I feel like this, school and people arent really the best place for me to be. sorry about that. But to answer your question, there is no doubt in my mind that I have opened my heart. For the past few months, I have been in my own fairytale. I have been drowning, yet I haven’t realized it. I have been extremely selfish. I havent the slightest idea where to go from here. I need to wake up and realize that, that time in my days will never come back, no matter how tightly I hold on.

Thank you for Infomercials!

Pacman pasta, cereal bits, catchy showtune songs, cheerio steroids, and when cartoon network was at its best. The good times. I think the great thing about those commercials back then is that they were so dreamy and amazingly overexaggerated. Really, have you ever seen a commercial in the 1950s-80s about proactiv or loosing weight? The difference between the ads then, I guess, is that now, we focus too much on our appearance and fake worries rather than life itself.

"I said to my soul be still and wait without hope for hope would be hope for the wrong thing."

I write to remember. but for tonight, its helping me forget. All these happenings going on in my mindless nights, I really do not know what to make of it. Its leaving me with these delusions and confusions and sleepless headaches. Usually, they start off casual and great, then they become worse and worse till I open my eyes with an early morning sweat till I cant sleep anymore. I feel as if I may be my own with these horrible thoughts, so I end up not sleeping the rest of the night, out of fear or a phase of nostalgia, or maybe both. I really do not know what to make of this, but as of now, I want to bash my head on my desk and get this images out. eh but its probably not going to fix anything, especially since Im starting to get a headache.

Phoenix, You are my new Beatles

mmmm Yoshinoya chickann bowl.

For Cammi yellow toes. Youve gotta love Phoenix and their music. Its the kind of music thats so unbelievably cool and upbeat way that makes you want to nod your feet and tap your head. You kind of just forget everything else and concentrate more on the now then the then or when. mmhhmm..

Well Ima go get some more Mystery Jets music.

Musical Eargasms (and the list goes on..)
-Phoenix -Mystery Jets -Telekinesis -Beirut -Travis -Voxtrot -Vampire Weekend -The Strokes -Kings of Convenience -Sondre Lerche -Hot Chip -Ratatat -Whitest Boy Alive -Cut Copy -Alex Salazaar

Havent been updating lately have I?

Summer Weekend

Where would you go with a lasso. Friday. Saturday. SUNDAY. Monday. We need more weekends like these. More hallmark companies, more presidents to make more holidays, more mothers and fathers and whatnot who dont feel appreciated enough so we have a day off. Just one day off and thats all it takes. Exploring the resort, pancakes, getting lost in hollywood, The Grove, Chinese Theater, underwater fishes, and expensive pizza topped the end to a great day and three day weekend.

So while on our epic adventure out in hollywood, I learned about some very annoying news. Some stupid insurance company from chicago wants to sell their land (that apparently contains the hollywood sign) to build homes on the amazing worldfamous Hollywood sign. They bought the land for 2 million and are gonna sell it for 12 million. Wtf. Why is it always about money now? I thought all those newage movies and books did something to the public but I guess not.Well so apparently, theres also this enviromentalist conservatist group from Sanfransico thats organizing this whole thing to save the hollywood sign. If theyre able to raise 12 mill by april, then the sign will be saved from demolition and snobby homes and built into a national park connected with Griffith Observatory for future tourists to see. So the SFpeoples made a deal with LA county to put up a sign telling people to "Save the Peak" for at least a week. Apparently tomorrows the last day. And thats what we saw. Pretty crazy stuff out there..

Tuesday. Today. It was just another normal day with the 6 period days. No school yesterday thanks to the lovely holidays, but today was summer bucket hot. I very much hate this weather already. Everything is consistent and Im trying this time to actually have motivation to do things. Even though Im finishing my homework now and sleeping more, but Im still failing, well asian standard wise anyways. But thats gotta stop. Sitting in front of the computer doing homework and watching endless youtube videos. Which is okay, the endless youchoob that is. Sighzers, school is so easy to avoid these days. Its whether you want to, or can afford to, thats the problem. Well the afternoon came and went. good day. Yah?

Ouhs and I has permit! For about a while now. Yeayeyuuh. July here I come.

FUCK

Velocity

I finished my homework early today so time felt like forever. I just went through each class like nothing, almost passing out during lunch just to fall asleep. I just dont want to be there. Id much prefer to be home, either alone or with the one person Id feel comfortable enough to be completely silent with. I dont know why Ive been so sleepy. Its weird cause Ive even been sleeping like I should around 9 ish lately and Id wake up with an even more shitface than I would have if I slept at 2 am. Love how that works out.

Moving on. >>

My great escape has disappeared in the hands of my partners.

& Dean Koontz has just become my most favorite writer of all time in over a night.

Weve decided to read Velocity by Dean Koontz for an english project.

But for some reason every book store only holds one copy of any kind of book , except for Twilight.

Wtf.

Well Velocity is the type of book that hooks you in two pages into the story & wants to keep you reading & reading (unless the barnes and noble policy of having one book at each store gets in the way of your english project leaving you with the only choice to share the book with your partners), its pretty amazing.

He creates a world that is easy identifiable and makes he his readers paranoid of everything chilling them to the bone. His ingenious writing is so fucking fantastic I swear any of his writings are worth a second read. Which sucks because I cant read it tonight. Sighss.

Annyways, I think Ill go watch some british Galaxy series now. Ive also decided that everytime I blog, I will call my grandpa immediately after, depending on the time. I need to call my grandpa more.. That is all. Nightlaa.

"Rain rain stay today, keep the shitty sun at bay."

It really is a shame to hear that. I can say I saw it coming, but you of all people, I never really believed you would end up with those feelings also.

I have to close myself off like a box being taped up and put away. There is no way out, this is the actuality of it all. I don't want to be here, I don't want to be the only person to be forced to choose and make all the decisions and ruin your day. Really, what you told me is the very last thing Ive ever wanted to hear. But I guess its too late now. I cant change what has already changed. Suddenly I become a 'diamond in the triangle' as you put it. Wth does that mean.

And as for you, You say the more we change the less we feel. But its all in reverse now. You have everything you ever wanted, but I guess nothing you never really needed. Because youre not even happy now are you? I want you to see that you have so much to be happy for, and so many people to be there for. I would give up anything and everything to see it so things are easy for you again. Only problem is, youre not letting me.

Lately however, its been pretty good for me. Ive been feeling happy, but my mistakes keep coming back to me. Youre supposed to learn from your mistakes, right? Yet I don't feel any of it was a mistake, when others think otherwise. Am I not learning? Im not saying any of this to complain, Im saying it so maybe one person can explain my life to me. So someone can tell me what I need to hear, not what people think and tell me to hear. Then maybe I wont be as lost. I dont deserve to be happy with the choices Ive been left to. There are decisions. But all in all I cant help what is going to happen at this point, even if it is all up to me. There needs to be a part of me that could think undoubtedly.. I cant though. I need to be impelled to not feel, to not reason or trust, why should I otherwise when I always screw things up anyways?

Smh Smh Smh Smh Smh Smh Smh Smh Smh Smh Smh Smh Smh Smh Smh Smhaha
~It didnt rain today btw. Awws.

"Do you have money? No, But we have the skill."

We lived by our skill and ventured into Urban where I found some pretty amazing deals which made yesterday pretty much a success! Other than the fact that I managed to loose my phone once again and temporarily go through a state of depression for the rest of the day. Hey, Loosing your phone is stressful business okay. You worry and wonder who in the world could have found it, if theyre some pedofreak & what you can do. You feel so lost without your phone. I guess its mainly because phones are now your connection to the world. Its ridiculous how loosing such a simple materialistic object can ruin ones mood nowadays isnt it?

There are days when I just want to stay home and do nothing but eat, sleep and repeat. But there are other days where I want to get the hell out of my house and that day is today. Too bad Im still in my pajamas and its already 3 pms. But then again, I did spend all of last morning watching Dawn of the Dead and stupid infomercials to help me fall asleep. Which isnt that great since I started seeing zombies everywhere. Speaking of zombies, what in the heyell is with all the apocalyptic movies coming out? Whether its a zombie manifestation or global warming, or tornadoes in LA, I really think people are taking this end of the world business too seriously. Its just a trend, just like how fohawks, and walnuts recent beautiful thunderstorms will come and go. Sos, enough of that.

I feel like I need everyone else so much more than they need me. I have all these wonderful ideas floating around in my mind of places to go and people to see, but there is no way to actually work them out. & my connection to the world is still lost in Pasadena. So I guess Ill be relaxing at home today. Thats discouraging. You probably don't care but I just high scored blockstar tetris. Yessss!

The Tetris Effect

The Tetris effect occurs when an activity to which people devote sufficient time and attention begins to overshadow their thoughts, mental images, and dreams. People who play Tetris for a prolonged amount of time may then find themselves thinking about ways different shapes in the real world can fit together, such as the boxes on a supermarket shelf or the buildings on a street.

Ouh hey, no wonder Ive been seeing tetris everywhere.

Fun with Omegle

Stranger: asl please
You: Why
Stranger: j/w
You: Well not from rhode island
Stranger: where r u from
You: Mexico
Stranger: coool
You: You should like, try talking without one word answers
You: It helps the conversation run smoother
Stranger: ok sooo im steve wuts ur name
You: Kevin
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You: Are you paid to do this?
You: And talk to strangers
Stranger: cool
Stranger: no
Stranger: why r u asking?
You: Why do you try to know them first by knowing their sex and place in the universe? Why cant we just talk about our life and about our problems?
You: How was your day?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

This is why people have problems of being friendly to one another these days since everyone out there are either creepers or have the potential to be one.

Scared Shkittles

for finals this week.

http://www.youtube.com/kaacyong

I realize that Im starting to make almost one of every type of internet account. I think all thats left now is twitter and tumblr. But no worries. I will never fall into the evil pointlessness of twitters and I will always be a bloghead. && I deleted my formspring. So yaayzers!!
*Cuss Ive gotta stop getting so distracted so easily & some tard finished my capn crunch cereal!

Cuss its not friday yet??

I was walking home from school after my complete fail of track tryouts. Its not too far. Just a bunch of hills. I pass a park. I always pass a park when I walk this way. It looked different today. It was telling me that I should just go lie down on the nice looking grass and fall asleep. Lay down and look up. Then agian I was dead tired. and freezing my ass off. My legs suddenly weighed 50 billion pounds each. Unfortunately. I shouldve practiced for track. I never thought it was necessary. I think its necessary now. Very necessary. Think about the last time you considered misery as a necessary part of life. Thats how it was going home. It felt like forever up those hills and my nose started sniffling up. It would had been better if the sky was pretty and starry for once.

Well, I wish I made track, I probably wont, but whatever, theres always next year. Why does it matter? Dk, but You can bet Ill be prepared by next year. I am no longer the person I was last year. Im capable of seeing things with a much wider view in a simpler dont give two shits kinda way. But then again i realize wishing is basically a form of complaining &doesnt really help. I just need to know what I want, and actually do something about it and then, maybe Ill be happy. I dont know yet though. I guess I just need my motivation. But for now, Im gonna pull a nike, Just Do It. Lesson learned.

Regarding the world as inconsequent

I made a formspring.me cause its something plus to do other than facebook, blogging, and tetris. How lame. Ask away! ..Or nawt.

http://www.formspring.me/kacyong

"I see what I want and I want what I see. & That is all, okay by me."

..There is quite a feeling of summer in the air- dont you think? Suckss.

Im trying to remember every single moment and day that happened on winter break in the last two weeks.. yah its not really working out. But Im gonna have to say it was the least bit fantastical. Late night hangouts, waffles, drive-in movies, sunday mornings, spontaneous plans and rain, Jupiter, and snowboarding trips are a pretty great way to end this amazing year to this amazing month. Maybe something magical will happen. Depending on how vulnerable you are, you see the sad or the happy.

I have no resolutions this year, because I know itll probably end up like last year and Ill be too lazy to resolve my resolutions till next year. But this year Im scared that Im not strong enough to make a better life for myself. When it comes down to the very idea on making the tough decisions or just going for what I want, I get too afraid of failing, and I quit.. But its like Ive said, 2009 has been, by far, the best and worst year of my life. Keep it coming.

Well, time to get started on my homework, oh shieeet.

Bonne annee!

I have a lot to learn.. but holy shit Im soo sore.