Rereading things I wrote in the past and sounding so obnoxiously unpleasant.
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Friday, July 13, 2012
Thursday, July 12, 2012
I forgot to turn on the AC at night so I woke up in a midnight sweat and decided to blog
I've been reading Hemingway's, The Sun Also Rises.It's a funny thing, how relatable 90 yr old literature could be. I might've as well been Robert Cohn, the discontent citizen wanting to flee far from his discontent life in Paris. Ironic really. I am Robert, California is my Paris, Texas is my South America, and Hemingway is my cousin telling me the most important reminder I needed to get clicked in my head:
"Going to another country doesn't make any difference. You can't get away from yourself by moving from one place to another. There's nothing to that."
I guess I've always seen Texas as a way to get away. I've needed it and I am quite enjoying myself in this time here, but I could never get rid of the feelings of anguish I'd once had before. The heavy insecurities, the self denial of an unsatisfying life.
And all the while, despite all the time that has passed and all the middle school anger emotions I've gone through, I randomly really miss you right now. coolbeanscharliesheen dork. And its not the "miss you" that you'd have to be alarmed of, I promise. Just the missing a once wonderfully dear old friend I wish I still kept. I really don't know what it is that started this thought. Maybe it's the fact that its 5AM here and that was a time we used to talk on and on until the sun came, but if I could just call you or if you were at least coincidentally online at the same time and we could exchange our hellos about our days... that would be really nice.
"Going to another country doesn't make any difference. You can't get away from yourself by moving from one place to another. There's nothing to that."
I guess I've always seen Texas as a way to get away. I've needed it and I am quite enjoying myself in this time here, but I could never get rid of the feelings of anguish I'd once had before. The heavy insecurities, the self denial of an unsatisfying life.
And all the while, despite all the time that has passed and all the middle school anger emotions I've gone through, I randomly really miss you right now. coolbeanscharliesheen dork. And its not the "miss you" that you'd have to be alarmed of, I promise. Just the missing a once wonderfully dear old friend I wish I still kept. I really don't know what it is that started this thought. Maybe it's the fact that its 5AM here and that was a time we used to talk on and on until the sun came, but if I could just call you or if you were at least coincidentally online at the same time and we could exchange our hellos about our days... that would be really nice.
Lone Star Days
Bullcreek- Austin, TX 5:43 AM (S)
Today commences the 8th day I've been residing in the Lone Star State of Austin, TX. Texas is everything and nothing I've expected. Well for one, there are no actual cowboys and saloons here like in the movies (and yes I was expecting that oddly enough). At most, you'd see a street side show dressed up as a cowboy or the commercials would be jam packed with texan stereotypes. And every so often, you'd run into a true redneck Texan, accent and all. But most here are simply friendly diverse people, smiling to you as you pass them at the door or driving on the street. In my 8 days here I've gotten more experience of what I've dreamed to know in my life. All these questions waiting to be answered at my finger tips.
Thus far, I've learned to be a hostess, pack to go orders, how to bartend with the knowledge of basic mixed drinks, beers, wines, hard liquors, so on & most of all I've gotten to meet new people. There are many small things I've learned as well, such as how to spot a rain cloud, which radio tower has cellphone antennas, or never NEVER touch your hair/face/eat in front of your customers. Simple tips. But common knowledge I would've never known had I never happened upon this trip. It's quite enriching.
Well about the day. I really don't know where to start.. I attempted to make the infamous pistachio macarons today! You would think a restaurant kitchen would have all the supplies you would need to make such a thing but I had literally nothing. Not even a decent sifter. Everything was dirty or dusty mostly for the fact that they rarely use such supplies seeing as it was a cooking kitchen, not a pastry one. We spent $31 on supplies. I stationed myself in a small room next to the kitchen where if I looked to my left, I could see everyone in there working and doing their own business. I began with blending the pistachios. They didn't have a food processor, so I improvised with a highly powerful drink blender. The second I flipped the on switch, it made the highest most, unbearable screeching noise that everyone in the kitchen stopped what they were doing and stared at me. I quickly turned it off, feebly smiled back at them slowly in embarrassment. Ehugghhh. I've gone through 3 different sifters, 1 oversized meat grinding mixer, 3 batches of eggs, 2 ovens, a toaster oven and several seared pieces of baking sheets to result in a burned 1st batch & an under cooked 2nd. This led me to develop horrible feelings for wasting uncle's money and a negative point on my internal baking meter. For those of you that do not know, I have an internal baking meter that turns on whenever I bake. It's a mental thing. When my baked goods come out successfully, the meter is on high and I am happy and eager to bake all day. But when the meter becomes really low, my will to bake goes negative, my whole day is thrown off, I lose the ability to harness common sense & I become extremely depressed& lose all hope to live. Just kidding. But I did feel like I've failed everyone, especially my uncle of whom spent the money and was so excited to taste one of my infamous cookies I've somewhat bragged about perfecting. Highly unprofessional worries sadly.
So out of all the tips and bits I've learned thus far, I've got one piece of random advice for you all: You can't let your personal feelings get in the way of your work. And this means any work or feeling (school project + insecurities, etc). Simple as this tip may be, it took a series of events and time to make the meaning to this advice really sink in. Another something I would've never truly known had I not made my mistakes here and learned for the better. But hopefully and luckily, you wouldn't have to go through the unprofessional embarrassment it takes for this advice. The sooner the better.
6:26 AM (F)
Today commences the 8th day I've been residing in the Lone Star State of Austin, TX. Texas is everything and nothing I've expected. Well for one, there are no actual cowboys and saloons here like in the movies (and yes I was expecting that oddly enough). At most, you'd see a street side show dressed up as a cowboy or the commercials would be jam packed with texan stereotypes. And every so often, you'd run into a true redneck Texan, accent and all. But most here are simply friendly diverse people, smiling to you as you pass them at the door or driving on the street. In my 8 days here I've gotten more experience of what I've dreamed to know in my life. All these questions waiting to be answered at my finger tips.
Thus far, I've learned to be a hostess, pack to go orders, how to bartend with the knowledge of basic mixed drinks, beers, wines, hard liquors, so on & most of all I've gotten to meet new people. There are many small things I've learned as well, such as how to spot a rain cloud, which radio tower has cellphone antennas, or never NEVER touch your hair/face/eat in front of your customers. Simple tips. But common knowledge I would've never known had I never happened upon this trip. It's quite enriching.
Well about the day. I really don't know where to start.. I attempted to make the infamous pistachio macarons today! You would think a restaurant kitchen would have all the supplies you would need to make such a thing but I had literally nothing. Not even a decent sifter. Everything was dirty or dusty mostly for the fact that they rarely use such supplies seeing as it was a cooking kitchen, not a pastry one. We spent $31 on supplies. I stationed myself in a small room next to the kitchen where if I looked to my left, I could see everyone in there working and doing their own business. I began with blending the pistachios. They didn't have a food processor, so I improvised with a highly powerful drink blender. The second I flipped the on switch, it made the highest most, unbearable screeching noise that everyone in the kitchen stopped what they were doing and stared at me. I quickly turned it off, feebly smiled back at them slowly in embarrassment. Ehugghhh. I've gone through 3 different sifters, 1 oversized meat grinding mixer, 3 batches of eggs, 2 ovens, a toaster oven and several seared pieces of baking sheets to result in a burned 1st batch & an under cooked 2nd. This led me to develop horrible feelings for wasting uncle's money and a negative point on my internal baking meter. For those of you that do not know, I have an internal baking meter that turns on whenever I bake. It's a mental thing. When my baked goods come out successfully, the meter is on high and I am happy and eager to bake all day. But when the meter becomes really low, my will to bake goes negative, my whole day is thrown off, I lose the ability to harness common sense & I become extremely depressed& lose all hope to live. Just kidding. But I did feel like I've failed everyone, especially my uncle of whom spent the money and was so excited to taste one of my infamous cookies I've somewhat bragged about perfecting. Highly unprofessional worries sadly.
So out of all the tips and bits I've learned thus far, I've got one piece of random advice for you all: You can't let your personal feelings get in the way of your work. And this means any work or feeling (school project + insecurities, etc). Simple as this tip may be, it took a series of events and time to make the meaning to this advice really sink in. Another something I would've never truly known had I not made my mistakes here and learned for the better. But hopefully and luckily, you wouldn't have to go through the unprofessional embarrassment it takes for this advice. The sooner the better.
6:26 AM (F)
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